You can say almost anything.
The goal is to have the other person hear you and listen to you. You know they hear you when they allow a conversation, rather than just letting you talk. This is something you must do in person. A text or email is too easy to ignore or avoid. TALK to the person, in person. Watch their face and hands. Express concern.
Start an agreement with your friends NOW, before there is a problem. Agree that you want the best for each other and then ask for their trust now so that IF/WHEN the time comes, he or she will listen with an open mind.
“Friend, I have been reading about this beautiful girl, Lamar, and the tragedy in her life. I don’t want that to happen to you, or to me. Can you promise to listen to me IF/WHEN I come to you about difficult issues? Can you promise to come to me if you feel my behavior or values change in a negative way?”
If you know there is a problem now, it is too late for prevention, try this…
“I have known you for so many years. Our history shows that I value you. I want to talk to you about the new person in your life. I am worried about you.”
“Sometime we are afraid. When I am afraid I worry and have trouble doing what I need to do. Those are the times that I remind myself that fear helps me. I do what I know is right, while I am afraid, rather than doing nothing but fear.”
“What if you saw your sister, cousin, best friend, brother, acting this way? Would you worry and want to help? Please, let’s talk about your life. I am worried.”
If it is a larger problem, seek guidance. Talk to the RA in your dorm, talk to your parents, they are cooler than you think, go to the school counselor, talk to a teacher, coach, aunt, uncle, preacher, whoever. Talk to someone, either in person or on the phone, so that you don’t regret having NOT done anything.
While you are talking to whoever you chose, ask them about their youth. They might surprise you. Many adults are amazed by the mistakes they made in their youth and are happy to share their experienced. Many wish they had acted in certain circumstances. Listen to what they say and imagine if it were you.
