Everyone is different, so creating a list of attributes is challenging.
That said, below are some of the red flags that you might see.
- When a friend says, “You just don’t understand her/him. He/She is just misunderstood.” This is a classic sign of a potential manipulator. Often this requires help beyond a friend, an adult who can offer help and support.
- A friend who requires separation from your current friends, by choice of the group or the new friend, or by yourself to avoid conflict.
- A friend who the majority of your friends do not like or trust
- A friend who makes you feel guilty about things that are really his/her responsibility.
- A friend who has a troubled past and no sign of remorse beyond being caught, or who rationalizes each incident beyond what you would find reasonable.
- A friend who pushes you out of your comfort zone involving drugs, alcohol, or accepted behavior.
- A friend who feels he/she is justified in their unlawful behavior, from shoplifting and speeding to illegal drugs and breaking and entering.
- A friend who uses drugs and or alcohol often, and occurrence seems to increase.
- A friend who is spiteful or mean to you, only to later apologize or act as if it never happened.
- A friend who is physically violent.
- A friend who does not respect your opinion, feelings, and ideas.
- A friend who puts your family down, who separates you from your family.
- A friend who sneaks drugs or alcohol into the food or drinks of others.
- A friend who treats girls and women, or themselves, as an object.
- A friend who hangs out with groups who could be perceived as “gangs.”
- A friend who encourages your inappropriate behavior to feel better about their own behavior or to laugh at you.
- Ask yourself, is this someone I can bring into my existing group of friends. If not, examine the relationship with your friends and then with the new person.
- A friend who abuses Rx is a red flag, this usually leads to alcohol and illegal drug abuse.
